A Trending Topic I want no parts of

Rest in Peace...

Rest in Paradise...

Until we meet again...

It doesn't really matter how we put it, these words are the most simplistic way we can express one of the most complicated emotions known to mankind: grief. We are born to die, all of our days are numbered, but who wants to think about that shit? Like seriously? It becomes especially hard to think about or even accept when the dead is one of your own peers, someone you may have just seen the day before, someone you can totally relate to. All of a sudden, that last episode of Love & Hip Hop doesn't seem so exciting, you could really care less about the latest twitter beef, and the last thing you could care about is the latest updates on your news feed... Suddenly this world makes no sense, you cannot sleep, and your mind is racing. How could this happen? Why me? Why them? Life.is.not.fair...

Somehow through all of these emotions you must find a way to be stronger for those who cannot, try to make sense, and quote some scripture that even you start to wonder about... Let's face it, this is something we all will have to go through, some of us have been down this road too many times before. I am no expert, I am not even sure if this will make sense... but I do know that the feeling you probably are feeling or did feel is normal & valid. This shit sucks & we never get over it... #RIP the trending topic we never signed up for, but all have to Tweet at some point in our lives...

Ecclesiastes 3 1:22

I want to grow up to be like my mother, and love a man just like my father...

“Raven wake up! Wake up! We have to take Daddy to the hospital!” It was about 11:30pm on June 14, 2001. I was 14 years old and I had just completed my freshman year in high school. Before I went to bed, I spoke to my dad who was in my parent’s room, on his side of the bed seeing how he was feeling. He had been suffering from a cold for about a month at this time and just couldn’t shake it. I was concerned, but his comforting words made me feel like everything was going to be okay. He was taking his meds, and we just had to be patient. It was a pretty normal summer day in Philly and I went to bed kind of early, because there wasn’t really a need to stay up. I had just gotten comfortable when I was jolted awake by mother’s voice, frantic, desperately trying to be calm, waking her sleeping children up, trying to save the man she loved. We piled into the family van, my brother and I still half sleep not really understanding what was going on.

My mother doing her very best to keep her questioning children calm and her husband alive. We speed into the ER waiting room of Lankenau Hospital, and from that point on the details are fuzzy for me. I do remember distinctly being in the waiting room with my brother watching some pointless tv show trying to figure out what could be wrong. Suddenly, “Code Blue Room 1! Code Blue Room 1!” was blasting across the loud speakers. I looked at my brother and I said, “I hope that wasn’t daddy.”

I would later learn that the code blue was indeed for my father. He technically died that night. However, only through the grace and mercies of God did he survive. My mother would later tell me that when my father coded, all she could do was drop down to her knees and pray. Pray that the man she had met and fell in love with in college and began a family with would survive. Prayed that she didn’t have to steal the innocence of her two children in the waiting room and tell them their father wasn’t coming back. Prayed that my father, just 44 years old, would be able to live his life for 44 more years and even more.

Thankfully my father did survive the massive heart attack he suffered that night, and was able to heal and make the major lifestyle changes he needed to make to live a long and productive life. I watched my mother put her entire life on hold to support and nurse my father back to health. She took time off from work, took him to all his appointments, got his medicine, and altered the family diet so we could all beginto eat more healthy. While this may seem like all a wife should do, it was more than the physical actions that personified for me. It was my mother’s selflessness and overwhelming desire to care for her partner and best friend that spoke to me. To her there would be no other way. On my father’s end, his humbleness and extreme thankfulness also struck me. I cannot count how many times he apologized for getting sick (not that anyone blamed him) and thanked us for helping him do the simplest things such as tying his shoe or going downstairs to bring him water.

“Raven wake up! Wake up! We have to take Daddy to the hospital!” It was about 11:30pm on June 14, 2001. I was 14 years old and I had just completed my freshman year in high school. Before I went to bed, I spoke to my dad who was in my parent’s room, on his side of the bed seeing how he was feeling. He had been suffering from a cold for about a month at this time and just couldn’t shake it. I was concerned, but his comforting words made me feel like everything was going to be okay. He was taking his meds, and we just had to be patient. It was a pretty normal summer day in Philly and I went to bed kind of early, because there wasn’t really a need to stay up. I had just gotten comfortable when I was jolted awake by mother’s voice, frantic, desperately trying to be calm, waking her sleeping children up, trying to save the man she loved. We piled into the family van, my brother and I still half sleep not really understanding what was going on.

My mother and father are the personification of a team. When one is down, the other picks up the slack. Both have taken on the breadwinner title, without the other being resentful or destructive. Their relationship is far from perfect; they have had their fair share of arguments and problems. However, I truly feel what has made their 27-year marriage work are love, trust, friendship, and faith. They have made a lifelong commitment to each other and their family. Because of this dedication, they have beaten the unfortunate odds that begets couples in this country, especially couples of color. I am truly grateful for the guidance and influence my mother and father have given to me, and because of this I

My mother doing her very best to keep her questioning children calm and her husband alive. We speed into the ER waiting room of Lankenau Hospital, and from that point on the details are fuzzy for me. I do remember distinctly being in the waiting room with my brother watching some pointless tv show trying to figure out what could be wrong. Suddenly, “Code Blue Room 1! Code Blue Room 1!” was blasting across the loud speakers. I looked at my brother and I said, “I hope that wasn’t daddy.”

I would later learn that the code blue was indeed for my father. He technically died that night. However, only through the grace and mercies of God did he survive. My mother would later tell me that when my father coded, all she could do was drop down to her knees and pray. Pray that the man she had met and fell in love with in college and began a family with would survive. Prayed that she didn’t have to steal the innocence of her two children in the waiting room and tell them their father wasn’t coming back. Prayed that my father, just 44 years old, would be able to live his life for 44 more years and even more.

Thankfully my father did survive the massive heart attack he suffered that night, and was able to heal and make the major lifestyle changes he needed to make to live a long and productive life. I watched my mother put her entire life on hold to support and nurse my father back to health. She took time off from work, took him to all his appointments, got his medicine, and altered the family diet so we could all beginto eat more healthy. While this may seem like all a wife should do, it was more than the physical actions that personified for me. It was my mother’s selflessness and overwhelming desire to care for her partner and best friend that spoke to me. To her there would be no other way. On my father’s end, his humbleness and extreme thankfulness also struck me. I cannot count how many times he apologized for getting sick (not that anyone blamed him) and thanked us for helping him do the simplest things such as tying his shoe or going downstairs to bring him water.

My mother and father are the personification of a team. When one is down, the other picks up the slack. Both have taken on the breadwinner title, without the other being resentful or destructive. Their relationship is far from perfect; they have had their fair share of arguments and problems. However, I truly feel what has made their 27-year marriage work are love, trust, friendship, and faith. They have made a lifelong commitment to each other and their family. Because of this dedication, they have beaten the unfortunate odds that begets couples in this country, especially couples of color. I am truly grateful for the guidance and influence my mother and father have given to me, and because of this I want to grow up to be like my mother, and love a man just like my father.

I Love You

This is dedicated to the one person outside of my immediate family that deserves these three words... This next post is just my thoughts, nothing artistic, nothing fancy... just the truth...

From the beginning I knew there was something different about not just you, but how WE were together. It sounds cliché, but I don't know any other way to explain it. I often wonder if you think about us like I do; I may never know, but I think you do...

I still laugh at how we even began our journey, but it was one of those weird cataclysmic situations and the stars lined up right... We hit it off from the very beginning, could talk about anything & everything, for hours on end... I felt wanted, and respected... I felt like I was a part of your life... Most importantly, I felt as if I was your friend...

Location, location, location...

Donald Trump isn't the only person benefiting from this concept. As perfect as things seemed to be, the one thing that drove a huge wedge between us was our location... in two different cities, schools, lifestyles... I honestly believe that if we were in the same city, things would be different... However, I digress. We make our decisions, and we know what we can and cannot tolerate... Then you broke my heart; ok I'm being dramatic, but I'm not gonna front, I was out for the count for a while. When we ended, it caught me by surprise. I was surprised by it being over, and how hard it hit me. I had become so comfortable with you that us not working out simply never crossed my mind... that and the fact that we had only been talking for two months and there was no indication that shyt wasn't good... I knew I had to really have cared for you when even after you hurt me, less than 48hrs later I was consoling you and there for you during one of the most difficult times of your life... I didn't realize it then, but I did it because I loved you... Over the years we have had some chance encounters, going from my desperate attempts to see you (I'm okay with admitting it now), to awkwardly tense moments, to happy to see a true friend. If I see you now, I am genuinely happy... There are still times when I wonder, but I am very happy the way things are and I am not sure if I want to jeopardize it...

I am happy you are in my life, even if it never amounts to more than it is now... I will admit though, and I am not embarrassed or ashamed, that if you expressed a desire to try again, I would take it into serious consideration (unless my heart is taken)... After an unexpected phone call, I found myself thinking about old times, stealing thoughts of "I wonder"...but most importantly, I felt a soft, gentle wave of happiness... & I am smiling from the inside out... content and more than satisfied that we have evolved into a true genuine friendship...

Simply put... I love you...

The Game... Recap of 1.18.11

Though I am less than impressed on the show itself, tonight's epsiode of The Game did generate a lot of discussion & debate on my TL tonight. Here are my thoughts on tonights episode:

1. Melanie, instead of running to your bitter, single friends, express yourself properly to your HUSBAND, you will save yourself a lot of stress, & less holes in the wall. I know you are not 100% comfortable with the thought of Derwin having a child with Janay, but that will never change. When you said "I Do" it was to it all, not just the shopping sprees & nice house... Side note: mamita you betta not utter the word "NO" for at least a month! Start stretchin, take some classes, go to a strip club & take some notes, cuz you have A LOT of making up to do! #overtime

2. Derwin, slow down, talk to God more & it will work out; stop punching the damn wall too, we need your hands. You are an emotional man who just wants to do right, we understand that, but you need to talk to the one who has your back all the time more, and not when you are tryna lay down the law...

3. Malik, ignorant as hell as usual, but spoke the truth today, just stop pissin ppl off & apologize to Tee Tee! & You WILL NOT have a personal account at the DNA testing center!

4. Tasha Mack= #hoodhoe #twitterthug; All that shyt u started & now u real soft smh

5. Jason & Kelly= a match made in strag heaven; I cannot deal with these two, they are trying so hard to portray this image that they have swag... just be dorky together & save us the drama...

6. Janay, I kno u mad, but let us not be the typical hoodbooga BM... You tryna prove a point & we get it... just be happy the test came back correct, cuz we already know you said "whew" when you got your re-test done...

What are your thoughts?

Thank You

All you do is fuel my motivation... I know better, so I'm doing better...

I Know Better...

The greatest love is one when you know its time to let go...

You are the perfect verse over a tight beat...

But its time to switch to a different track & sing our separate songs...

At First Glance... Take a Second Look...

Blasting the radio while driving, as I usually do, the words "They say time is of the essence, but what if the clock is wrong?" Crossed my eardrums & implanted in my brain.

It was crazy I even caught the line, because I know the words to NO songs...

Let me not get too far off track... I got to thinking....

We recently entered into a new year, a new decade actually.

This is the time the gyms are filled, every other commercial is filled with the sweet skinny ballads of Jennifer Hudson, and we are all thinking how we are gonna revamp our lives...

We are gonna make cuts of all the negative people and things in our lives;

This year is finally our year...

We are going to lose weight, get a new attitude, a new man/woman, new job, that degree, hell we can even throw in a new house or car...

All of this is going to happen because our old friend Time changed from 11:59:59 pm to

12:00:00am... One second.

Wow.

One second is supposed to change our lives so much, give us so much courage & strength, perform a miracle.

One second is all we need to change a life time of insecurities, doubts, and vices...

Right..

Before we can open one door, we must close the one we are standing in front of...

I don't have all the answers but I do know that one second will not erase a life time of choices;

Decisions, whether I like them or not, good or bad, were made on my own accord...

One second, such a small & quick aspect of our daily routine;

Yet on one day of the year its arrival is the antithesis of its true meaning...

One Second...

That's all we need?

I Used to Know Her...

I used to know her... A girl that was happy.. care free... believed in love...

I used to know her... A girl who just knew guys would grow up to be just like her daddy...

I used to know her... A teenager who trusted a little too easily... who got introduced to "The Game" too early....

I used to know her... A teenager rebelling against the very rules she struggles to establish in her life today...

I used to know her... A young woman struggling to "find herself"... lost amongst the masses...

I used to know her... A young woman who thought she fell in love... but quickly realized she was a Rook & felt like a Pawn... because her Queen was "check" by her King" the whole time... Check... Mate

I used to know her... A young woman who realized all too quickly

that her body could get her what she wanted... but left her begging for what she needed....

Yea... I know her... A woman is constantly writing in her Diary about a Teenage Love Affair, but quickly realizes She's Heard it All Before... She's quick to Break Up to Make Up, because This Bed is So Lonely without You... but she can never face the WoMan in the mirror...

Yea... I know her... A woman who often wants to say a big FUCK YOU to love & everything that goes with it... but her heart can never form the words...

Yea... I know her... A woman who still talks to that little girl waiting for her knight in shining armor...

Yea... I know her... 'Cause that Woman is ME...