I Love You

This is dedicated to the one person outside of my immediate family that deserves these three words... This next post is just my thoughts, nothing artistic, nothing fancy... just the truth...

From the beginning I knew there was something different about not just you, but how WE were together. It sounds cliché, but I don't know any other way to explain it. I often wonder if you think about us like I do; I may never know, but I think you do...

I still laugh at how we even began our journey, but it was one of those weird cataclysmic situations and the stars lined up right... We hit it off from the very beginning, could talk about anything & everything, for hours on end... I felt wanted, and respected... I felt like I was a part of your life... Most importantly, I felt as if I was your friend...

Location, location, location...

Donald Trump isn't the only person benefiting from this concept. As perfect as things seemed to be, the one thing that drove a huge wedge between us was our location... in two different cities, schools, lifestyles... I honestly believe that if we were in the same city, things would be different... However, I digress. We make our decisions, and we know what we can and cannot tolerate... Then you broke my heart; ok I'm being dramatic, but I'm not gonna front, I was out for the count for a while. When we ended, it caught me by surprise. I was surprised by it being over, and how hard it hit me. I had become so comfortable with you that us not working out simply never crossed my mind... that and the fact that we had only been talking for two months and there was no indication that shyt wasn't good... I knew I had to really have cared for you when even after you hurt me, less than 48hrs later I was consoling you and there for you during one of the most difficult times of your life... I didn't realize it then, but I did it because I loved you... Over the years we have had some chance encounters, going from my desperate attempts to see you (I'm okay with admitting it now), to awkwardly tense moments, to happy to see a true friend. If I see you now, I am genuinely happy... There are still times when I wonder, but I am very happy the way things are and I am not sure if I want to jeopardize it...

I am happy you are in my life, even if it never amounts to more than it is now... I will admit though, and I am not embarrassed or ashamed, that if you expressed a desire to try again, I would take it into serious consideration (unless my heart is taken)... After an unexpected phone call, I found myself thinking about old times, stealing thoughts of "I wonder"...but most importantly, I felt a soft, gentle wave of happiness... & I am smiling from the inside out... content and more than satisfied that we have evolved into a true genuine friendship...

Simply put... I love you...

The Game... Recap of 1.18.11

Though I am less than impressed on the show itself, tonight's epsiode of The Game did generate a lot of discussion & debate on my TL tonight. Here are my thoughts on tonights episode:

1. Melanie, instead of running to your bitter, single friends, express yourself properly to your HUSBAND, you will save yourself a lot of stress, & less holes in the wall. I know you are not 100% comfortable with the thought of Derwin having a child with Janay, but that will never change. When you said "I Do" it was to it all, not just the shopping sprees & nice house... Side note: mamita you betta not utter the word "NO" for at least a month! Start stretchin, take some classes, go to a strip club & take some notes, cuz you have A LOT of making up to do! #overtime

2. Derwin, slow down, talk to God more & it will work out; stop punching the damn wall too, we need your hands. You are an emotional man who just wants to do right, we understand that, but you need to talk to the one who has your back all the time more, and not when you are tryna lay down the law...

3. Malik, ignorant as hell as usual, but spoke the truth today, just stop pissin ppl off & apologize to Tee Tee! & You WILL NOT have a personal account at the DNA testing center!

4. Tasha Mack= #hoodhoe #twitterthug; All that shyt u started & now u real soft smh

5. Jason & Kelly= a match made in strag heaven; I cannot deal with these two, they are trying so hard to portray this image that they have swag... just be dorky together & save us the drama...

6. Janay, I kno u mad, but let us not be the typical hoodbooga BM... You tryna prove a point & we get it... just be happy the test came back correct, cuz we already know you said "whew" when you got your re-test done...

What are your thoughts?

Thank You

All you do is fuel my motivation... I know better, so I'm doing better...

I Know Better...

The greatest love is one when you know its time to let go...

You are the perfect verse over a tight beat...

But its time to switch to a different track & sing our separate songs...

At First Glance... Take a Second Look...

Blasting the radio while driving, as I usually do, the words "They say time is of the essence, but what if the clock is wrong?" Crossed my eardrums & implanted in my brain.

It was crazy I even caught the line, because I know the words to NO songs...

Let me not get too far off track... I got to thinking....

We recently entered into a new year, a new decade actually.

This is the time the gyms are filled, every other commercial is filled with the sweet skinny ballads of Jennifer Hudson, and we are all thinking how we are gonna revamp our lives...

We are gonna make cuts of all the negative people and things in our lives;

This year is finally our year...

We are going to lose weight, get a new attitude, a new man/woman, new job, that degree, hell we can even throw in a new house or car...

All of this is going to happen because our old friend Time changed from 11:59:59 pm to

12:00:00am... One second.

Wow.

One second is supposed to change our lives so much, give us so much courage & strength, perform a miracle.

One second is all we need to change a life time of insecurities, doubts, and vices...

Right..

Before we can open one door, we must close the one we are standing in front of...

I don't have all the answers but I do know that one second will not erase a life time of choices;

Decisions, whether I like them or not, good or bad, were made on my own accord...

One second, such a small & quick aspect of our daily routine;

Yet on one day of the year its arrival is the antithesis of its true meaning...

One Second...

That's all we need?

I Used to Know Her...

I used to know her... A girl that was happy.. care free... believed in love...

I used to know her... A girl who just knew guys would grow up to be just like her daddy...

I used to know her... A teenager who trusted a little too easily... who got introduced to "The Game" too early....

I used to know her... A teenager rebelling against the very rules she struggles to establish in her life today...

I used to know her... A young woman struggling to "find herself"... lost amongst the masses...

I used to know her... A young woman who thought she fell in love... but quickly realized she was a Rook & felt like a Pawn... because her Queen was "check" by her King" the whole time... Check... Mate

I used to know her... A young woman who realized all too quickly

that her body could get her what she wanted... but left her begging for what she needed....

Yea... I know her... A woman is constantly writing in her Diary about a Teenage Love Affair, but quickly realizes She's Heard it All Before... She's quick to Break Up to Make Up, because This Bed is So Lonely without You... but she can never face the WoMan in the mirror...

Yea... I know her... A woman who often wants to say a big FUCK YOU to love & everything that goes with it... but her heart can never form the words...

Yea... I know her... A woman who still talks to that little girl waiting for her knight in shining armor...

Yea... I know her... 'Cause that Woman is ME...